Been A While

I've spent the last year and a half cultivating the courage to pursue the deep dark dream that is performing in front of others. It comes in spurts of open mics and music, but I'm realizing that these short moments of creative exploration have just been a pressure valve for my increasing anxiety of pursuing it and failing. Because that's what happens to most of them. Bottle rockets that burn up with no boom at the end.

But this water that makes up the majority of my brain, has just been heating up, rapidly approaching the boiling point that will become my quarter-life crisis. I'm going to pursue this, with responsible abandon, until I become better at a job than I am at being a cartoon character. But that does beg the question, when to tap out like the rest of 'um. Time for a list!

1. You will keep going until the peer group around you is no more. Even though you know you're going to fail, you will have lasted longer than the people around you.

2. You will do this with the understanding that it's because you are a needy, self-centered egomaniac. You are not an artist, just a whore for attention.

3. You will change many of your habits in a effort to become pretty. And yes, pretty is the word that will be used right now because we both know handsome isn't what you mean. If you're to be seen, be worth seeing.

4. You will remember to define yourself by the thing that pays bills, not the thing you do in your free time. If this becomes the thing that feeds you, only then will you introduce yourself as(or let others introduce you as) a performer.

5. You will not let this get in the way of being responsible for paying your own fucking way. No one deserves to indulge your delusional ass for a second. Seriously.

6. You will remember that the only reason success is possible is that other people exist. This is where the golden rule becomes a bitch because if you want to be the most important person to walk into a room, you must treat the room like it's the most important person you've ever been in the presents of.

7. You will be classy and respectful when not doing your thing.

If these rules are not respected you will remove this stupid indulgence of self from the list of things you do and will focus on compromising your dreams like the rest of the adults.

No Rest for the Wicked

I can not sleep now,
with each thought, my body aches
you were my blanket


Awake and alone
solace gone, replaced by fear
will this always be?


Drift into the night
watching the sun rise again
lucid is not rest


there is no more depth
in one layer exists all
save but this longing


I dream through today
yesterday and tomorrow.
when will I wake up?


Real is not a choice
it will be you all along
even if I'm not

The Joys of Parenthood

I'm not sure how I feel about anyone my age having children.

It just seems so retro, like 1950s kind of stuff. That, and the two types of people that have kids this early are those who weren't expecting, and those who've wanted a full on family since age 15. Both seem counter productive to me, but then again half the stuff I do is far more idiotic than baby making... and I think that's why it's so hard to grasp their situation.

Opinions

Opinions can be some of the most annoying things to have to listen to. That's why, in an attempt to avoid being as irritating as I sometimes find others, I've created a list of rules for sharing my thoughts with people.

1. Remember to not have an opinion of something unless you really know anything about it, especially if it seems like something you won't like. It's better to hate something for what it is than what you think it is.

2. Remember that no one cares. This includes your friends most the time. So unless requested, don't just share.

3. Occasionally you will find yourself in a discussion with someone who has a different opinion than you. Keep these instances civil. Getting angry over the fact that someone doesn't share your feelings make you look stupid. However, a well thought out discussion can make you look good. It's not like the things you talk about warrant a strong reaction anyway. Greedo did shoot first tho.

4. It's ok to have an opinion based on minimal information. It's not ok to be passionate about this opinion. This is especially true for puppies, because you don't really need anything more than there just so darn cute.

5. Throw everything out the window if the person your interacting with is not from America. You are inherently better than them based on the Constitution. Especially true if their from France.

Sports Heroes

I find people who are really into professional sports to be a bit bothersome. I understand being a fan and having interest in the entertainment of it all. But having dealt with people who are entirely too invested in a team, there needs to a prearranged limit to fan-dom.

1. You may own a jersey, teeshirt and hat. You cannot however wear them all at once, unless attending the game.

2. You can know the names and stats of the top 30% players on any given team. The rest of them are not worth knowing. Instead of that information, learn the names of the people representing you in the house and Senate, and know their stats. There's less of them and you'll have more to talk about when you need to seem smart in public.

3. If someone casually enjoys a team, and has no reason other than region to like that team, you're not allowed to berate them. A person's worth is not determined by a casual opinion. But it can be determined by an invested one.

4. Fantasy sports are really stupid and take to much time. And I've got myself a championship in one. I don't have children, but if I did they wouldn't have received any attention for those 4 months.

5. If it's not the playoffs and your mood is directly correlated to whether or not your team won, you may be punched in the wiener ( a swift smack of the breast for females).

6. You are not a member of the team you enjoy. Remember that when talking about them.

Breaking these rules doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you insufferable, so stop it.

bordum

(Time - things to do) x days+days+days = Bordum

Friends and Such

Making new friends is the most ridiculous thing to do as you get older. I find it especially difficult because I know my thought process when I meet someone new and I can only assume their doing the same thing. Let's examine:

1. Initial overview and examination of what their saying and doing. Hoping they do something I can take back to the friends I have now to make fun of.

2. Getting pissed off at the idea of the person doing the same thing to me. Attempt to hide how fat I am. Tilting head to prevent view of my balding area. Slow down the pace of the conversation, as to make sure I don't show how crappy my personality is.

3. Continue to explore through conversation. Hope their stupid face slips up so I can belittle them and assert my dominance.

4. Inadvertently say something stupid giving them the upper hand. Hate myself for doing so. Think about ways to flagellate mentally and physically to punish myself for this mistake.

5. Self depricate to hide my shame and seem like I'm comfortable enough with them to show weakness. This is also meant to hide my intentions of conversational revenge.

6. Notice that their skills in pontificating are better than mine. Realize an alliance must be formed before they understand their strength.

7. As friends, bide my time to rise up and defeat this most formidable opponent. Until then, order another round of beer and high five a lot. Then ride into the night looking for other groups to war with.

(Please note this model is specifically for other males. There would be a female model as well, but unfortunatly I can't ever get a conversation going. Please note section 2 of the male model for reasons why.)